I've been fairly unmotivated and generally slack for almost 10 days now, and it's taken me almost this long to actually mentally venture towards a reason for why this just might be. Over the past week or so I've noticed that some of my ADHD symptoms - the ones I'm trying to temper with a medication regime - are beginning to appear more frequently, in spite of the fact that I've not changed the amount of my daily Ritalin dosage.
Though the dosage amount has not changed, there have been some other adjustments that I'm beginning to think just might be the reason for why I'm feeling so damn muddled and lethargic.
I did change the way the Ritalin gets into my brain; before it was 15 mgs 2x/day, and now it's a 30 mg capsule that time releases over the course of the day. And, for over a week now, I've not had a nicotine source of any sort supplying the stimulus effect my body has been accustomed to for over 30 years.
Lack of nicotine, or rather the lack of that stimulant on top of the 30 mgs of Ritalin is the problem, I think. After a week of no nicotine I may be down to just the Ritalin in my system ... and where 40 mgs of Ritalin and a 21 mg nicotine patch plus 2 pieces of nicotine gum was way too much pyscho-stimulant for me, 30 mgs of Ritalin and a craving for soda and ice cream is just not cutting it now that Copenhagen Snuff, nicotine patches and nicotine gum are no longer amplifying my days.
So what do I do?
The easiest thing would be to pop over to the Kwik E Mart and spend 5 bucks on a can of chew. Or, with just a bit more effort I could drive the 40 miles to town and buy more nicotine gum and patches. I'd feel a little better about myself, but it corrupts the spirit in which the patches and gum are intended.
And that's the "before I started successfully treating my ADHD" me, and I honestly haven't even considered those options. I'm so damn thankful that my brain doesn't work like that anymore ... and right there is the proof that even though I may not be getting the correct dosage of Ritalin, what I am getting is working well enough to keep me focused on the task of quitting a 30 plus year nicotine habit and to rationally move forward in the treatment of my ADHD.
Three days from now I get in to see my doc, and I going to canvass for a higher dosage based on the conclusions I just gave. We'll see what he has to say.
wow. insightful, clear, objective, compassionate. untethered by expectation or experience.
ReplyDeletenext, he will walk through walls, pay his credit card bill and unload the dishwasher!
see readers, anything IS possible! learning from your account of peeling off the layers to reveal clearest self, of shedding the skin of habit to allow true buddhanature through, is truly inspiring, i am so grateful for you.
Okay ... so you're embellishing a little (we don't even have a dishwasher), and as for the rest of it ... Well, I'm just trying to figure this crap out, my sweet!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're grateful, and I must say I'm so very lucky that you're willing to take this ride with me. My only hope is that the longer it lasts, the smoother it gets.