A couple of days ago I went to see my doctor to discuss the efficacy of my medication regime. I've been taking Ritalin a couple of times a day; 15 milligrams in the morning and 15 milligrams in the afternoon.
It has been about four months since I first began this journey. Initially, I experienced some obviously positive changes. Getting my butt out of bed was suddenly less of a chore, and my spouse said I was actually being nicer.
Somewhere in there I got a bit over-exuberant about the dosage amount. The successes I was experiencing would only become more numerous if I increased the dose ... or so I thought.
In reality I hit a freaking brick wall hard enough to dislodge the topmost course of bricks, which then came tumbling down on top of me, leaving me battered and bloodied at the base of the wall.
It took some outside intervention to convince me to reduce the dosage, and since then I'd been awaiting the doctor's appointment feeling a little sheepish for acting rashly and irresponsibly with my medication. I also felt as though I'd plateaued, and a little discouraged that this was all there was.
In the discussion with my doc it was determined that I might better benefit from a long acting medicine. I would take it once in the morning and it would emit half the dose outright, and the other half over the course of the day. More importantly, taking it only once would release me from the responsibility of trying to maintain a consistent dosage schedule ... something I was struggling with.
Towards the end of the appointment with a new script in hand, I was feeling a little blase about this whole damn treatment process. I'd been expecting some miraculous advice that would spur me towards the next level of success, and was feeling that that nugget of wisdom would not be forthcoming.
It was at this point that my doc asked me if I felt depressed.
I am 46 years old and I have never once in all of my life been able to honestly say that I'm not depressed ...
Yet, on that day in my doctor's office suddenly I realized that now I can.
How awesome is that?